First-date safety

Before you meet: check they're real

Most people on dating apps are exactly who they say they are. A few simple checks help you spot the ones who aren't:

• Suggest a short video call before meeting. Someone who repeatedly refuses may not be who they claim.
• Do a reverse image search on their photos to see if they appear elsewhere under another name.
• Search their name and any workplace they mention.
• Use in-app verification features where available.

Keep chatting inside the app for a while. Moving quickly to a private messaging platform is a common tactic in scams.

Protect your personal information

It's natural to share about yourself, but some details are best kept back until you know someone:

• Your home address and exact workplace.
• Your surname, if it makes you easy to find online.
• Photos that show your street, car registration or children's school.

Consider using a separate number or the app's calling feature at first. Check your social media privacy settings so a match can't easily find your family or location.

Choosing where to meet

Pick a busy, public place you know — a café, a bar you like, a museum or a park in daytime. Familiar venues let you relax, and staff can help if needed. Some bars have a discreet code you can use to ask staff for help.

Avoid a first meeting at either of your homes, or anywhere remote. If they push hard to change the plan to somewhere private, that tells you something.

Tell someone and control your ride

Let a friend know who you're meeting, where and when, with a screenshot of their profile. Share your live location for the evening and agree a check-in time, or ask your friend to call you midway with an 'out' if you want one.

Get yourself there and back. That way you can leave the moment you want to, and your date doesn't learn where you live. If you use a rideshare home, you can ask to be dropped a short walk from your door.

During the date

Enjoy yourself — and stay in charge of your evening:

• Keep an eye on your drink and order your own.
• Drink at a pace that feels right for you.
• Keep your phone charged and with you.
• Notice how they respond to small boundaries, like 'I'd rather not say' or 'I'll head off now'.

If you feel uncomfortable, you can leave. Saying you're tired, or nothing at all, is enough. If someone harms you, it's their responsibility, not yours.

Red flags to watch for

Some warning signs show up early, in messages or in person:

• Pushing you to meet privately or to send intimate photos.
• Getting angry or sulky when you set a boundary.
• Stories that don't add up, or a profile that doesn't match who turns up.
• Love-bombing — intense flattery and 'soulmate' talk very quickly.
• Any request for money, gift cards, crypto or investment advice.

Romance scammers often build trust for weeks before asking for money. If someone you haven't met asks for financial help, stop and talk to a friend first.

After the date

Text your friend that you're home. If you want to see them again, great — keep building trust at your own pace. If not, a short, polite message is fine, or you can simply unmatch.

If someone harasses you, sends unwanted explicit images, or threatens you, block and report them on the app, keep screenshots, and consider contacting police. You're also welcome to talk it through with other women in TrustFem's community.