How to negotiate your salary as a woman (with word-for-word scripts)

Why negotiating matters more than it seems

Your starting salary is the base for every future raise, bonus and pension contribution, so a small difference today can compound into a large gap over a career. Many women were taught that asking for more is pushy or ungrateful. It isn't. Employers expect negotiation, and most offers have room built into them.

Research on negotiation has also found that women can face backlash when they negotiate in ways seen as aggressive. That's unfair, and it's not your job to fix it alone, but it does mean the most effective approach is often warm, prepared and specific: you're solving a problem together, not demanding a favour.

Step 1: Know your number before you talk

Walk in with three figures written down:

• Your target: the number you actually want, near the top of the realistic market range.
• Your anchor: what you'll ask for first, slightly above your target, so there's room to meet in the middle.
• Your walk-away: the lowest figure you'd accept, including benefits.

To find the range, check job ads that list pay, ask trusted contacts in similar roles, look at public pay bands in your sector, and browse anonymous salary data shared by other women on TrustFem's /pay page. Women often underestimate their market value, so seeing real numbers from peers is one of the fastest ways to recalibrate.

Step 2: Build your evidence

Numbers persuade more than feelings. Before the conversation, list three to five concrete results: revenue you brought in, costs you cut, projects you delivered, people you trained, problems you solved. Quantify wherever you can ("reduced response times by about a third", "managed a budget of 200k").

For a new job, link your experience directly to what the employer said they need in the job description. For a raise, show how your role has grown since your pay was last set.

Word-for-word salary negotiation scripts

When they ask for your salary expectations early:
"I'd love to learn more about the role's responsibilities first. Could you share the budgeted range for this position?"

When you receive an offer:
"Thank you, I'm genuinely excited about this. Based on my research and the experience I bring in X and Y, I was expecting something closer to [anchor]. Is there flexibility there?"

Then stop talking. Silence feels uncomfortable, but it gives them space to respond.

When asking for a raise:
"Over the past year I've taken on [new responsibilities] and delivered [results]. Based on that and current market rates for this role, I'd like to discuss adjusting my salary to [number]."

When they say the budget is fixed:
"I understand. If base salary can't move right now, could we look at a signing bonus, extra leave, flexible working, a training budget, or a review in six months with clear targets?"

When you need time:
"Thank you, I'd like a day or two to review the full package. When do you need my answer?"

Negotiate the whole package

Base pay matters most, but it isn't the only lever. Depending on your country and employer, you may be able to negotiate:

• Signing bonus or relocation support
• Pension or retirement contributions
• Extra annual leave or a later start date
• Remote or flexible working, compressed hours
• Job title and level (which affects future pay)
• Training, certifications or conference budget
• A guaranteed salary review date

Get anything you agree in writing before you accept.

Handling pushback and nerves

If they say no, ask what would need to be true for a yes: "What would you need to see from me to reach that level in the next review?" This turns a refusal into a plan.

Practise out loud with a friend, or record yourself, until the number comes out steadily. It helps to remember you're negotiating for your future self, your family, or your savings goal, which can make it easier to advocate firmly. If an employer withdraws an offer simply because you asked politely, that tells you a lot about how they'd treat you later.

What to avoid

• Apologising for asking ("Sorry, I know this is a lot, but...")
• Giving a range where the bottom is your real minimum; they'll often pick the bottom
• Sharing your current salary if you don't have to (in some places employers aren't allowed to ask)
• Accepting on the spot out of relief
• Making it personal ("I need more because my rent went up"); focus on value and market rates