Caring for aging parents

Start with an honest picture of needs

Caregiving often begins gradually: a few more lifts to appointments, help with shopping, a worrying fall. Before it overwhelms you, step back and assess what's really needed. Consider:

• Daily living: washing, dressing, meals, medication, mobility
• Household: cleaning, shopping, bills, home safety
• Health: appointments, conditions, memory changes
• Social and emotional: loneliness, mood, activities
• Money and legal: benefits, paperwork, future decisions

Talk with your parent, not just about them. Ask what matters most to them and what they're worried about. Many older people value independence deeply, so frame support as helping them stay in control.

Share the load with family

Care often falls disproportionately on daughters, even when there are brothers or other relatives. A family meeting, in person or online, can make it fairer.

Script: "Mum needs more help than she did. I've made a list of what's needed each week. I can't do it all on my own while working, so I'd like us to divide it up. Which of these can you take on?"

Siblings who live far away can still help: managing finances, booking appointments, calling daily, or contributing money towards paid care. Write down who does what. TrustFem /care lets families set up a shared care circle to coordinate tasks, appointments and updates in one private place.

Talk to your employer

You may have more options than you think. Depending on your country and employer, these might include:

• Flexible working requests: different hours, remote days, compressed weeks
• Carer's leave, emergency time off for dependants, or unpaid leave
• Employee assistance programmes with counselling or eldercare advice
• Workplace carers' networks

Script: "I'm now helping care for my father and want to keep doing my job well. Could we discuss a more flexible pattern, such as [specific proposal], and how emergency situations would be handled?"

If your current role can't flex enough, look at /work for flexible roles. Try not to quit without exploring options; leaving work can affect your income and pension for years.

Get outside help

You don't have to do everything yourself, and you shouldn't. Look into:

• A care needs assessment from your local authority or health service, where available
• Home care, meal delivery and personal alarm services
• Day centres and community groups for older people
• Respite care, so you can rest
• Carers' organisations, which offer advice, helplines and sometimes grants
• Benefits or allowances for your parent or for you as a carer

Your parent's doctor can be a key ally. Ask to be included in appointments if your parent agrees.

Get the paperwork in order early

While your parent can still make decisions, encourage them to set up:

• Legal authority for someone they trust to make financial and health decisions if needed (often called a power of attorney or similar)
• An up-to-date will
• A list of accounts, pensions, insurance, medications and doctors
• Their wishes for future care and end of life

These conversations feel hard, but having them early prevents crises later. Rules vary by country, so check official guidance.

Look after yourself too

Many working carers put their own health last. Book your own check-ups, keep at least one thing that's just for you, and accept help when it's offered. Talking to others in the same situation helps enormously; our motherhood and caregiving forum includes many women caring for parents. Watch for the signs of caregiver burnout, which our separate guide covers in detail.