Build a private escape fund

Safety first: think about what your partner can see

Before you save anything, consider how your partner monitors you. Do they check your bank app, phone, email, receipts or mail? Do they share your devices or know your passwords? If so, the safest plan may look different from the most convenient one.

If you're in an abusive relationship, contact a specialist domestic abuse service before making changes. They can help you build a safety plan, and leaving is often a higher-risk time. TrustFem's /help page lists services you can contact privately. Use a device your partner can't access if you're unsure.

How much do you need?

There's no single number. A useful starting goal is enough to cover a few weeks of essentials:

• Transport away and to work or school
• A deposit or a few nights' emergency accommodation (shelters and refuges may be free)
• Food, phone credit and toiletries
• Medication and childcare
• Replacing documents or a basic phone

Even a small amount matters. Many women leave with very little and get help from refuges, benefits and charities. Our private savings planner at /tools/escape-fund lets you set a goal and track progress without linking any bank account, and nothing is stored in a way that identifies you.

Ways to save without being noticed

Choose the methods that fit your situation and risks:

• Cash with a trusted person: a friend, relative or colleague you trust completely can hold money for you. Small, regular amounts (change from shopping, cashback) add up.
• A separate bank account: if it's safe, open an account at a different bank, choose paperless statements, use a work or new email address, and don't install the app on a shared phone. Be aware some accounts send mail or appear on credit files.
• Workplace options: some employers can split your pay between two accounts. Only do this if your partner won't see your payslip.
• Prepaid cards or gift cards for supermarkets or transport can be less obvious than cash.
• Selling unused items for cash, if it won't raise questions.

Avoid anything that leaves an obvious trail, such as new statements arriving at home or unexplained gaps in a joint account your partner checks.

Gather documents and essentials

Money is only part of being ready. If it's safe, make copies or photos of these and keep them with your trusted person or in a secure online storage account your partner doesn't know about:

• Passports, ID cards, birth certificates (yours and your children's)
• Visa or immigration documents
• Bank cards, account numbers, payslips, benefit letters
• Tenancy or mortgage papers
• Medical records and prescriptions
• Any evidence of abuse: photos, messages, a dated diary

Consider a small "go bag" kept away from home with spare keys, phone charger, medication and a change of clothes.

Lean on trusted people and services

You don't have to do this alone. A trusted person can hold cash and documents, be a safe contact, and agree a code word you'll text if you need help. Domestic abuse services can advise on refuges, legal protection, benefits and housing. Some banks have specialist teams for customers experiencing economic abuse and can talk to you discreetly.

Protect your future finances

When you're able, build independence step by step: a bank account only you control, a check of your credit report for debts in your name, new passwords and security questions, and advice on joint debts. Rules about joint accounts and property differ by country, so ask a domestic abuse adviser or lawyer before moving shared money.