Feeling lonely after moving to a new city: what actually helps

Why moving can feel so lonely

Moving strips away the invisible support you didn't know you had: the neighbour who waved, the café owner who knew your order, the friend you could call last-minute. Even if the move was exciting and your choice, losing all of that at once can feel disorienting.

You might also feel homesick, unsure of yourself, or tired from the sheer effort of navigating somewhere new. Loneliness is a signal that you need connection, just like hunger signals you need food. It's not a sign that you made the wrong decision or that something is wrong with you.

Build tiny routines first

Before you try to make friends, make the place feel familiar. Routines give your days shape and create chances for small, repeated interactions, which research suggests matter more for wellbeing than we tend to think.

• Find a café, market or library you visit at the same time each week.
• Walk the same route and learn your neighbourhood.
• Use the same gym class, pool session or park.
• Say hello to neighbours and shopkeepers. Small chats count.

Being recognised somewhere, even just by the barista, can ease that floating, anonymous feeling.

Join something that meets regularly

Friendships tend to grow from seeing the same people again and again. Pick one or two weekly or monthly activities and commit for a couple of months:

• A sports team, running club or dance class
• Volunteering, which gives instant purpose and conversation
• Language exchange, book clubs, or hobby groups
• A faith or cultural community
• TrustFem /circles, where you can meet women who've also just moved

Our guide on making friends as an adult woman has scripts for turning acquaintances into friends.

Stay connected with home, but not only with home

Regular calls with friends and family back home are a lifeline. Schedule them so they're something to look forward to. Just be careful not to spend every evening on video calls in a way that keeps you from engaging with your new place.

Try a balance: a weekly call home, plus at least one local activity. Over time, the local side will grow.

Be kind to yourself on the hard days

Some days will feel heavier: weekends, holidays, birthdays, when you're ill, or when you see photos of friends together without you. Plan for those:

• Have a "low day" plan: a walk, a favourite meal, a film, a call.
• Get outside and move; daylight and movement help mood.
• Keep sleep and meals regular.
• Limit doom-scrolling and comparing your new life with others' highlights.
• Notice small wins: you found the good bakery, you navigated the transport system, someone remembered your name.

Settling in often takes many months, sometimes longer. Many people say they only felt truly at home after a year or more.

When loneliness becomes something more

Loneliness can sometimes slide into depression or anxiety. Reach out to a doctor, counsellor or helpline if you notice:

• Low mood most days for more than a couple of weeks
• Losing interest in things you usually enjoy
• Changes in sleep or appetite
• Feeling hopeless or worthless
• Drinking more to cope

Registering with a local doctor soon after you move makes it easier to get help when you need it. If you ever feel unsafe or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact emergency services or a crisis line immediately.

Moving for a partner or job?

If you moved for someone else's job or relationship, loneliness can come with resentment or loss of identity, especially if you left your own career. Talk about it openly with your partner, protect time for your own interests, and consider whether flexible or remote work on /work could help you build something of your own here.